[Image description: Jessica, a white woman with long brown hair and a green hat and green coat sits and smiles at Khalil, a Black toddler in a yellow jacket. They are holding hands. Behind them is a yard with gardens and a lake]
For years, I ordered my planners from Japan. And then I tried bullet journaling, and then desire mapping. And then last year, I finally found my planner soulmate: the Milligram daily non-diary A5, from Australia. My needs are simple: a notebook that lies flat, lightly gridded pages, one page per day, no spirals, and monthly calendars.
I’m very fun—why do you ask?
The very same pandemic that has shifted my relationship with my planner from securely attached to codependent, is now preventing me from accessing this lifeline in 2021. Milligram is only shipping domestically and to New Zealand for the foreseeable future (understandably but upsettingly).
All of this to say, if you know of any dark web Australian planner dealers, let me know.
We moved into our Canada house a week ago and it is beautiful and a total disaster. Unpacking moves slowly when only one adult has the physical capacity to do it and both adults are managing childcare, work, and basic self-care. Predictably—see planner paragraph above—living in chaos is not a comfortable place for me. This has always been the case, and particularly so when the world feels so disordered. Piles of stuff make me anxious and then I feel irritated at myself for being upset about something as trivial as a mess when it doesn’t truly matter. Judging my emotions doesn’t help anyone though, but looking at the lake from our bedroom does. And picking apples from the tree out front. And watching Bluey with Khalil.
I am still reading. Over the past month I’ve finished: Seven Fallen Feathers by Tanya Talaga, The Canadian Gardener’s Guide by Marjorie Harris, Want by Lynn Steger Strong, The Body Is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor, and Having and Being Hadby Eula Bliss.
Seven Fallen Feathers was my introduction to the history of residential schools in Canada and it has been a critical part of learning about our new home. The Body Is Not an Apology contextualizes the call to accept and love our bodies as they are—in both appearance and function—within a total rejection of capitalist ranking of bodies and how that system perpetuates inequality. For enneagram 1s like me, nothing encourages self-love like convincing me that it’s in service of a greater good.
I know that these months have been hard for everyone—it’s not easy being in a pandemic with a federal government that has failed to coordinate a cohesive response. While watching the Pence-Harris debate, I realized that I keep turning to politics for some sort of reckoning or reconciliation. I truly hoped that Vice President Pence would listen to Senator Harris’s COVID criticisms and experience some kind of moral clarity. I thought he might look at the camera and say, “You are right. I am so sorry. We have let everyone down and we will do better.” But of course, he didn’t.
The current lethal shortcomings in the executive branch and Senate aren’t because they don’t understand the situation. In truth, I don’t know what it is that causes people to lose sight of the value of other lives so easily. Perhaps when a moral center is ignored long enough, it disintegrates.
I know for me, the deep grief, anger, and destabilization that comes from political engagement aren’t sustainable. Instead of watching every development for signs that this is all turning around, I am funneling that energy to phone banking, donating, and taking care of the moments and our family. I hope you are taking care of yourself, too.
And for the love, vote. Please help the man whose compass is still intact steer and salvage this sinking ship.
Love you. Thank you for subscribing.
Thank you for taking the time to write with such care and caring.
I hope you can score a planner for yourself. The right planner is a HUGE big deal. And yes, I think you're fun :-) (For years, my fantasy was to live within walking distance of a library and an office supply store. I would now add a greengrocer. Perhaps I am also "fun")
Last comment: who took that masterful photograph?!